I need to really reavalate my life. I started off so strong but I really fell off in a lot of areas such school, family, and especially relationships. I’m returning home this weekend I think it’s time for me to disconnect from people and refocus. I’ve made some choices that I am not proud of. I’m disappointed in myself because I did not stay focused and accomplish what I needed. The one thing that is common in a lot of mistakes is I am not being real with who I am. The person I think I am isn’t the person I am being. My actions are falling continuously short of my words. I am really not proud of this. I understand I am not perfect but I am better than this. I really took fifteen steps back rather than forward. Like have you ever just made some decisions that you just are not proud of like I’m really disgusted with myself. I can break my own heart sometimes. I always say I don’t have bad karma but I’m starting to think I am my own karma. I need to step it up I am not happy I lost my balance. I got some thing’s to work on this summer. I am not done growing I got some learning and healing to do. My talks with my therapist have helped come to see that these feelings I have can be hunger. I’m not feeding myself the things I need to efficiently progress in life. What does Taylor need right now ? I got so caught up in others I haven’t stopped to think about my own. That’s why I start acting out of character. What do I need? I’m going to ponder on that question but as for I’m going to prepare my unprepared ass for these finals. But honestly I’m sad because I don’t have many friends and I’m really embarrassed about it. As much as I enjoy my me time I noticed I’m craving social contact and I actually got so desperate I settled for it but now I damaged my own relationship with myself and someone really important to me. I just need to pray because I’m really upset with myself. I have this bad habit of breaking promises to myself and doing things I know I did not want to. I craved something so much I did something outside of who I am to get it.
I hope everyone is getting through the tough times and enjoying the good ones. I’m sending positive vibes to those cramming for exams such as myself.